Introduction and Updates

So today we are going to be doing a Q&A. You guys have dropped a ton of really good questions in the box. We hope to cover at least a few of them. We have a lot queued up. If you have questions that come up, if something’s been on your mind or if something we say today doesn’t make sense, raise your hand. We don’t want this to be just a monologue or dialogue between us.

For those who weren’t here last week, I want to make a plug that when we have the week off from student ministries in this room and we have student ministries in that room with all of the adults, it’s not just a week off. It was actually one of the sweetest times ever. Chris, Smed and Cooper were up front prepared to sing any songs we gave them from a list. We got to read scripture together and sing together. It was one of the sweetest nights of family time as a church that I can think of in a long time. I think we’re going to probably be doing things like that quarterly. So when we have those, don’t think of it as a night off but as sweet family time with the whole church together.

Are Crushes Always Bad?

Eric: First question – are crushes always bad? Is it possible to think rightly and wisely and still have a crush?

Jacob: For this question, I need some help defining terms. I think I know what a crush was when I was in high school, but can you help me understand what you mean by a crush?

[Students help define a crush as romantic attraction to someone when you’re too young or unable to act on it]

Okay, that’s helpful. So it’s liking someone in a romantic way, but for some reason – either being too young or not being ready – you just have those feelings in your heart but can’t act on them.

I think having a crush isn’t inherently sinful. I have a crush on my wife. But here’s the difference – when you have a crush, you think about the person a lot. You start imagining what it would be like to be with them. You start thinking about their traits in a positive way – they’re cute, they’re nice. And it takes thought, it takes effort, and you could even imagine yourself being romantically involved with that person.

Obviously as a first grader it looks different than as a senior in high school. But in a spousal relationship, it’s right for me to think about Kiki that way. I should actually shepherd my heart to do that – to date my wife, to daydream about her, to pursue her, to think about her best qualities in a way that makes me a little giddy. And I’ll say, I do that, I work hard at that. Eric, do you do that with Sarah?

[Eric awkwardly confirms he dates his wife]

You know what? God actually invented that. Those feelings of attraction, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, butterflies in your heart, when you can’t get them off your mind – God made that. So it’s not inherently sinful. That desire is good and right in the right context.

Just like most emotions or most desires, if there’s a way to glorify God in it, you should do it. What’s wrong is if you take that feeling and apply it in the wrong context, in a sinful way.

Remember last week we read about being a doer of the word and not just a hearer? That’s in James chapter 1. Let me show you something – open your Bibles to James 1:14. James encourages people to stay steadfast under trial, even under temptation. Where do temptations come from? The temptations don’t primarily come from outside. What does it say? “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.”

So think about what a crush is – at its heart, it’s a desire. And desires are not necessarily sinful, but they can be. If you have a desire for something sinful – like a romantic relationship with somebody who isn’t your spouse, or intimacy with somebody who isn’t your spouse – that’s wrong. But that same desire might move you, in the right context, to pursue them to be a spouse.

Right? If you’re thinking, “That person is cute, that person has a great attitude, great personality.” And girls, if you notice every time that guy is around a group of other guys, those boys act in a more godly way. You like the way he looks, his humor, the way he is, and he’s a godly guy.

Now you ask the question – okay, am I at a point where I can act on that? You’re a really poor judge of that yourself. That’s the kind of question you should ask your parents, you should ask your discussion group leader. And if not, you say, “God, thank you for that desire. I’m going to not act on it. I’m not going to let that desire lure and entice me.”

Because what does the next verse say? Verse 15 – desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin. And sin, when it’s fully grown, brings death. This is actually going to lead back to the passage we’ll be in next week from Jesus, where he talks about how the intentions of your heart matter just as much as your actions.

So with a crush, you can say, “God, thank you for those desires. I’m going to put them on hold for now. God, I pray that you would direct them, even sanctify them – these desires to be attracted to someone, to be emotionally attached to somebody.” Some of you might be thinking this is gross, you don’t know what I’m talking about. But soon, you actually will have these thoughts. If they’re welling up inside of you, say “God, thank you for these desires. Can you help me put them on hold for now so that I can glorify you more when I am actually in a position to act on them?”

You don’t say “Desire is bad.” You say “God, thank you for making this. Can you help me be ready to be the kind of person who, when the time comes, can act on this rightly?”

And guys, I would argue you already are experiencing this. You don’t call it a crush, but God made women attractive. God made girls attractive. You notice that. That’s what we’re talking about. God designed men to be attractive to women, and women to be attractive to men as part of his plan – in the right context.

So guard your heart. Guard your heart. One of the quickest ways to shipwreck in your life is to not guard your heart in this realm. Remember what Smed read this morning about the man in Proverbs being enticed by the seductive woman? He didn’t guard his heart. There was somebody saying “Come to me,” and he let his guard down. He had a desire in his heart.

And women, this is the same for you. You could let your guard down with a guy, and that desire conceives and gives birth to sin. Remember the description in Proverbs – he follows his desire and doesn’t know it’s going to cost him his life. It’s like an animal going after bait, and before he knows it, he’s got an arrow in his liver and he’s dead.

This is critical – guard your heart, especially in this realm. So here’s the key takeaway: A crush isn’t inherently sinful. It’s only sinful in the wrong context. And I think for pretty much all of you guys right now, it’s the wrong context.

So when you feel that feeling, say “God, thank you for making me like this. I’m going to set this desire aside because pleasing you is more important. I don’t want to let my desires rule me.”

If you’re already running down that path and realize you’ve been entertaining sinful desires, what do Christians do with sin? Do they try harder? Well, yes, but not first. What do you do first if you realize you’ve been entertaining sinful thoughts or romantic thoughts, playing with a crush because it seems like a fun little game?

[Students respond about confession]

Christians confess it. And God is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse. The world just says “Oh, it’s normal, it’s fun.” The Bible says it’s deadly dangerous in the wrong context. And in the right context, there’s almost no better way to glorify God than to act on that crush.

Fast forward – maybe in 10 years, 5 years, maybe 2 years. When I was 19, I met Kiki. I wasn’t ready, and I prayed “God, when I’m ready, will you please give me a wife like Kiki?” That gave me an urgency in my heart to actually pursue godliness. I had a picture of someone I wanted to be ready for. That desire led me to want to be involved, to be a leader in the church, a servant in the church, to flee sin, to keep close account of sin, to pursue the Lord and please him in everything. And then God was gracious and actually let me marry Kiki.

I don’t know what your story will be, but let your crush, your desire, lead you to holiness rather than playing with sin. Eric, anything to add?

Eric: The one thing that comes to mind is trying to think through what pleases the Lord. What are the right things to look for? Are we being attracted to someone who loves the Lord, who displays godly characteristics, who is pleasing to the Lord? Or is it just someone who can sing well, looks cute? Those are wonderful things, but you want to desire the things God loves and look for those in people.

Dating and Relationships

Jacob: We have a follow-up question: What advice do you have for a young person waiting to pursue dating until after high school but planning on stepping into a relationship upon graduation?

Eric: In thinking about dating, I want to first define that term. The world has a very different view of dating than what we mean. I would summarize dating as spending time with somebody to get to know them to see if you should and ought to marry them. Marriage should be the goal of dating and pursuing one another.

Since we’re talking here in church, we’re going to talk about two believers wondering if they should be dating. The first thing that comes to mind is 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?”

Believers are commanded to be married with believers. You cannot have a partnership with an unbeliever – this is the most significant partnership one can have horizontally. Before you even try to start pursuing another person, you can’t just say “Well, I think he’s a believer, I think she’s a believer.” You need to have confidence that they are in fact believers.

People may say Christian things, people grow up in the church. You guys are actually going to hear in a few weeks, during our baptism service, testimonies of children that grew up doing all the right things. They were praying, reading their Bibles, and they were not believers. You’ll hear about transformed lives. So we don’t want to say “Well, they’re really cute and I like them for all these reasons and they say they’re a Christian.” You need to be absolutely confident, as much as it depends on you, that they are a Christian.

I’ve read before someone saying it’s much better to not marry than to marry the wrong person. Jacob and I know people who have had devastating relationships because they married somebody who was not a believer, somebody who was just so not on board theologically. It ended up in a devastating relationship.

As much as desiring to be married is such a good thing – God created marriage, it is a good thing – it has to be with the right person. That leads to another point: you need to actually be able to be the kind of man or woman that ought to be married. That means being a believer following the Lord. Men need to be able to lead, able to lead her towards godliness, able in some way to provide, even if it’s just a job.

Kiki and I, when we first got married, we couldn’t even pay to turn the air conditioning on. We literally went to Costco to get free samples because we couldn’t buy much food. But there has to be some degree of being able to be married.

This means for younger people, and probably in most cases, dating is something like crushes – you should say “I’m not ready.” To engage in that kind of relationship is to tempt desire, to act on desire, and that leads to death.

Even for older people, this is the kind of thing where your heart will lie to you. Your heart will say “I think I’m good, I think I can do it. Maybe we can get sanctified together, grow more holy together.” Whether it’s dating, or even saying “We’re not ready to date but let’s think about it together so later we can start dating” – those are decisions that need wise counselors. And those counselors are probably not the same age as you. They must include your parents, should probably include your pastors – we’re available – could include your discussion leaders.

Some parents, like the Yates family, have a rule: no dating until you’re done with high school. If that’s your family rule, that makes it really easy because you have to honor your parents. If your parents say “Let’s take it case by case, bring desires to us and we’ll help evaluate,” then bring it to your parents.

You ought to honor your parents in this, and not just honor them – you want their wisdom. If they say “Don’t think about this until after high school,” when those desires come, say “God, I want to sanctify them, set them apart to please you. Let me honor you by honoring my parents.”

But if your parents haven’t given that direction and you have freedom, that still doesn’t mean you’re free to just date or have crushes. You still need to submit those desires to your parents. Not just say “Here’s what I want to do, is that okay?” but “Here’s what’s going on in my heart, I need your wisdom.”

Understanding Faith and Works

Now for a completely different kind of question. Someone asked about James 2:17 – “Faith, if it has no works, is dead by itself.” Could you explain this verse’s context and how we should think about it?

[Students locate the passage in their Bibles]

This is a critical question. The reason why this is surprising – what did James say? “Faith if it has no works is dead.” He actually says something even more shocking in verse 24: “You see that a person is justified by works and not faith alone.”

If you thought verse 17 was startling because you’ve heard the gospel – faith without works is dead, and then he says you’re justified by works and not faith alone – that seems to conflict with passages like Ephesians 2:8-9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. This is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one may boast.”

We have the same thing in Romans – it’s all over Scripture. Paul is very clear we’re not justified by works of the law. In fact, nobody can be justified by works of the law ever. And Jesus says that’s not a reason to make the law less stringent. You can’t get to heaven by keeping the law, but let me tell you how hard God’s law actually is.

So what does James mean when he says faith without works is dead? What James is doing here – remember last week we talked about being a doer of the word and not a hearer only, deceiving yourself? It’s possible to say you have faith. Some of you might think faith is the same as believing, and it is if you mean believing in the right way. We have to make sure we mean what Jesus means, what the Bible means, when it says you have faith.

James is actually arguing with somebody who says “I have faith and I don’t need works.” You could see how somebody could get there – if you’re saved by grace through faith not by works, you might say “Well, I believe all the right things. I believe there’s one God, I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I believe I’m going to heaven forever. I believe in the Trinity.” You can name all kinds of true things about the gospel and know them in your head. You say “Therefore I have faith, I believe it to be true.” You might even think those things are true.

You might know there’s a heaven and hell, you might know only people who have faith go to heaven, you might know you need forgiveness of sins to go to heaven. But knowing those things is different than actually believing them. Knowing those things is different than having faith.

So what James says is, if you say you have faith but don’t have fruit to match, the faith isn’t real, that faith can’t save you. That’s what he says in verse 14: “What use is it if somebody says he has faith but doesn’t have works? Can that faith save him?” You see, that person redefined faith. He said “I have faith that has no works.” And James is saying that’s not faith.

Then he gives an example: “You believe God is one? Good, so do the demons.” That was actually one of the really important things that set God-believing Jews apart from everybody else – there’s one God, and this God is three in one. Do you believe that? Good, so do the demons. It’s not enough to know that to be true.

You’re right, my apologies. Let me continue with the transcript.

Even the demons know there’s only one way to heaven and they know it in a different way than we know. They know it as absolute truth because they’ve seen it, they’ve seen who God is, they’ve seen Christ. And they know it and they don’t trust him. And it says in James they shudder.

God’s one – like, God, he’s scary. You mean it, you know he… The demons know, they know deep down there is one God. And they know it because they’ve seen it, because they’ve been in his presence and they were cast out for sin. And they have no chance.

But here’s the deal – we are saved by grace alone through faith alone. That is the only way to be saved. But that faith is never alone, meaning that faith will always be accompanied by works.

I said Ephesians 2:8-9. Do any of you know what verse 10 says? Ephesians 2:8-9 is “For by grace we’ve been saved through faith. This is not of yourselves, it is a free gift of God – not of works, that no man can boast.” Verse 10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that he prepared beforehand so that we may walk in them.”

If God saves you, he will only save you by giving you faith. And the purpose of that faith is to accomplish something. It’s to make you new. You’re going to be a new creation. You’re going to have a new heart. You are his workmanship. He has created you into something brand new because he has good works that you could not do without being made new. So he gives you faith to trust.

And so, do you know who the first one in the Bible is where it says “He believed God and it was counted to him as righteousness”? You know who that was? It’s in the Old Testament. Somebody believed God, he didn’t do anything. He believed God and God said “Now you’re righteous.” Who is the first one? Somebody say it out loud.

[Students respond: Abraham]

Abraham. And do you know what he believed God about? He believed God that he was going to have innumerable descendants. God made lots of promises: “You’re going to have children like the stars in the sky.” And early on when God first set Abram out, he said “I’m going to make you a blessing to all the nations.” He promised Abraham that the Messiah, the one that would bless all the people, would come from his line.

And then you remember what God told Abraham to do to his one and only son?

[Students respond: Sacrifice him]

Sacrifice him. Abraham believed God and he had the works to match. He said “God, I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but I know that you said I’m going to have descendants.” And he had a very true word – God doesn’t… We know what God’s word says because we have it in the book. At that point, God spoke face to face, in audible words to Abraham. And Abraham acted on that.

Abraham packed Isaac up, took him up to the top of the mountain and was ready. He trusted God. He wasn’t going to take things into his own hands. He trusted God, that God would keep his promise. He didn’t know how – maybe he’d raise Isaac from the dead. And he acted on it. He had the good works to match.

What are our good works? They’re not killing our kids, right? That would be evil. But it’s what it is. James gives it to us: love your neighbor as yourself.

If you say “I have faith” and you see your brother or sister in need and you close your heart to them and say “Nope, I love myself more than you” – that kind of faith won’t save you. If you say “I believe in God” but I don’t care about pleasing him, I don’t love him, if you sing these songs with an empty heart, that kind of faith won’t save you.

So what you don’t do is say “Well, if I love my neighbor enough, I’ll be saved. If I do enough good works, I’ll be saved.” That’s the wrong order. You say “God, will you forgive my sins? God, change my heart. Because there’s nothing in me, I can’t please you with what I do.” My good works, the best works that I could do, are filthy. They separate me from you, they’re sinful. “God, will you forgive my sins, change my heart and make me righteous?” That great exchange – take my sins from me, place them on Jesus on the cross. Take his righteousness, put it on me, make me new.

And now, good works before salvation – gross to God. They don’t get you closer to him at all. Good works after salvation, done to please God – those glorify God because they’ve been done by faith.

So if you say “I have faith, am I a Christian?” You say “I think I’m a Christian” and you look at your life and you don’t see good works – the answer isn’t try harder. The answer is confess your sins, repent, ask God to give you faith, and then walk in obedience doing those good works.

When there’s genuine faith, there’s always a transformation of life. It just looks different. You know, as I said, for everyone who’s a genuine believer, they are a new creation. They have new desires. And that is going to bear evidence, it’s going to show itself in good works.

The Holy Spirit dwells in the person. There’s the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 that it talks about: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Also, just in 1 John 2:4 – “The one who says ‘I’ve come to know him’ and does not keep his commandments is a liar and the truth is not in him.”

The fact that you guys are here, you’re building up this intellectual knowledge, you’re going to be able to reproduce this, you’re going to be able to tell it to somebody. Whether you actually have faith or not – you’re learning these things. You need to act on the things that you’re learning, you need to respond to the things that you’re learning. Because you don’t want to be in this place.

Intellectual knowledge is not enough. People can have that. And if they say they’ve come to know him, if they say they actually have faith and they don’t have good works, they don’t have obedience to what his word says – he’s a liar, the truth is not in him. Obviously, we know all the ramifications of that. You deceive yourself.

So this is critical. It doesn’t change the gospel, it actually clarifies it. You are not saved by works. You are saved by faith alone. You’re saved by faith alone. You have to remember that because Jesus in his Sermon on the Mount, that we’re going to be learning over the next months, we’re going to see him say “Here’s a test – do you love me? Are you made new?”

Because if you’re trying to work your way to God, you’ll fail every one of those tests. But if you’re trying to please God, you’ll actually start to see change from the heart, which is what God is aiming at.

This is why, remember, we’ve been talking about being doers of the word, not hearers only. You have to hear, you have to know, and then you have to do it from the heart. But remember, this comes back to LUBOT. What’s the L stand for?

[Students respond: Listen]

Listen. We pray for this every time we open God’s word. When you’re listening to Q&A, when you listen to sermons, say “God, help me listen.” If you don’t have the knowledge, Romans says “How are they to believe if they haven’t heard?” You can’t believe, you can’t have faith in Christ if you don’t know who he is. And you can’t have faith if you don’t know the truth. God gives us the truth in his word.

You hear it every week. You have to listen, you have to understand it. Right? You have to understand. But then what do B, O, and T stand for?

[Students respond]

Believe. You say “God, help me believe it.” And now you know what you’re praying when you say “Believe.” It’s not just know it to be true like a demon knows it.

A demon knows God is one. You have to know that. You have to listen, you have to have heard that in God’s word, you have to understand it. But you better not believe it like a demon. You say “God, make me believe it like a Christian – one who knows who you are and worships you for it. One who knows what you require and obeys from the heart. One who hears what you promise and trusts it.”

This is the mark of a believer. This is the fruit. You have to be a hearer, but you also have to be a doer. And so when you pray “Help me believe” or “God, give me faith,” make sure that it’s the kind of faith that James is talking about – the one that’s combined with works. Or like Jesus said, the one who has fruit. Like James and John say – don’t deceive yourself.

And what you guys are going to hear in a few weeks, like I said, is you’re going to hear multiple testimonies of how God has transformed someone’s life. This has just been a blessing, sitting in the baptism class. Jacob and I were both in there this morning.

And you guys are gaining this knowledge. You can even respond with the right answers. You know, you have spiritual conversations at home. You know the answer – many of you do, many of you may know it the best in your family. Spiritual interest and spiritual knowledge is not saving faith by itself. Saving faith is always going to be accompanied by these good works, by this transformation of life.

And if you wonder “Is there a transformation of life?”, who can you ask that to? Your parents, perhaps even your siblings. Because your sinful heart may be most apparent to your siblings.

We got to hear a little bit about that in the baptism class – how a sibling’s sinful heart was most exposed in their relationships with each other and the transformation of spirit was most clearly seen in those same relationships.

So as you guys are thinking “Am I saved? Do I have this faith?” – these are great questions to ask. And we should be asking these questions. And we can’t stay there just asking the question in our own minds.

We actually have to be proactive. Ask your parents, ask your siblings, “Do you see transformation of life?” And it’s not like “Well, you know the right answers,” because that’s knowledge. That’s not by itself sufficient.

And if you don’t see transformation, what do you do? If you look at your life and you’re like “You know what, I’m not saved, but I want to be,” – I shared my testimony with you guys. I was terrified of hell. I prayed the prayer so many times, “God, will you forgive my sins so I don’t have to go to hell?” I didn’t believe in him, I didn’t have fruit to match.

And then one day, God gave me true faith and there was fruit to match. And you know what? There wasn’t before, when I’d say “God, forgive my sins so that I don’t have to go to hell.” I wasn’t actually confessing them. I wasn’t saying “Oh God, here’s all my sins. God, these sins are gross in your sight. God, I don’t merely want forgiveness, but I want to please you with my life.”

What a Christian does – and if you want to be a Christian, this is what you must do – you have sin. What does a Christian do when he sees sin? I say this almost every week – if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to do two things: forgive us and cleanse us.

The only way to be forgiven and the only way to be cleansed, it’s not trying harder, it’s not reading your Bible more, it’s not going to church, it’s not any other thing except for confessing and believing.

If we confess our sins, he’s faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So if you’re sitting here and you’re like “I think I’m a Christian…” That was actually one of the questions – “I think I’m a Christian, but I’m not sure because I still sin.” Check this one off – when you sin, what should you do? You confess it.

And when you see an opportunity tonight, tomorrow, you say “What should I do? If I do this, it’s sin. And if I do this, it pleases the Lord.” Which one should you do? Please the Lord. Please the Lord from the heart.

And if you see that you don’t, if you see no desire to please the Lord from the heart, confess that too. Don’t merely confess the sin, but say “God, I’m not desiring you. I’m not loving you from the heart. That’s sin too. Will you forgive me of that? Will you change my heart?”

That’s the kind of prayer that the Lord loves to use. A broken and contrite spirit, he will not cast out. That’s what he desires.

So if you have any questions about that, if you’re sitting here looking at your life and you say “I think I’m a Christian, I don’t know, I want to be” – can you talk to me? Can you talk to your discussion group leader? Maybe your parents. And don’t waste time. Don’t waste time – have that conversation now.

And then actually believe. Actually believe by grace through faith and then bear good works.

I think we’re out of time. Eric, do you want to pray?

[Eric prays, closing the meeting]